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Saturday, November 12, 2016

Making a run on the bank

Anne told me that there has been some coverage in the world news about what is going on here with the banks and money. It is definitely crazy. This was the crowd outside one of the bank branches in Pushkar this morning at 11am.  



Those folks were much, much calmer than the ones at the branch we went to where there was an incredible amount of pushing and shoving. It didn't take long for us to realize that we had to push back if we didn't want to get shoved further back in the line.  One of my trip mates has a funny picture on her phone of me using my plus sized rear end to hold back a couple of the men trying to shove us out of the way. There are some good things about not being petite, and one of them is that I can hold my ground!  It was never scary, mostly just annoying, though my necklace got broken in the process. We waited outside for an hour, but only 5 people from our group got in the branch to get money because they would only serve one foreigner for every two locals. And that makes sense, because as another group member pointed out, "We need to remember this is just our vacation money, but money to feed their family is people's lives." So Bhivou sent us back to the bus, but before we gave up our positions in line, we moved a couple of the non-rude people up ahead of us.  And now I can say I participated in a run on the bank! 

We had a 4 hour drive from Pushkar to Jaipur. Along the way, Bhivou filled us in on stories of Hindu life including how arranged marriages work (men get to be "king for a day, slave for life"). Unfortunately because we were so late leaving, there was no time for a lunch break. I had my trusty snacks in my bag including granola bars and Slim Jims, something that breaks up the vegetarian monotony quite well!! 

Upon arrival, we went straight to the Amber Fort which was the palace of one of the the maharajah's, I think in the 1600s. 

I thought the style of architecture was interesting, and the colors in the frescoes have held up well to the elements. 







It was interesting to hear Bhivou share about how the arrival of the Mhogul emporers who were Muslim influenced the role of women in Hindi society. I'm not sure how conservative Jaipur is yet. We noticed one bank branch had only women in the queue, and at another there was one line for men and one for women. So we'll see what it is like tomorrow afternoon when we are out shopping!

We are in a really, really nice hotel in Jaipur which has a number of perks. This is the first place we have felt safe using ice, and a cold vodka tonic was particularly refreshing upon arrival. The other plus is having a gym. I've got my clothes laid out to work out in the morning. There was no gym at the camp, and it wasn't safe there to be out walking or running solo (plus it was cold!) I wore my sneakers at the camel fair, and now they smell like camel poo, so I had to wear them today as to not contaminate my suitcase. They will not be making the return trip home.

We ate dinner in the hotel restaurant since they had a buffet, a particularly nice option here where you aren't sure what will be tasty and what too spicy.  In addition to the usual vegetarian options, there was some sort of mystery meat, either goat or mutton, as well as chicken, though the chicken was too spicy for moi.  The paneer cheese dish was good though, so I was fine with that and my trusty naan. 


That's it for today!
LA

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Camel Festival Day 2

Had a really nice second day at the Camel Fair. Uncle Bob had the perfect analogy for the camel festival - it is like Mule Day!  

We headed into town today around 9. Stop #1 was this sacred lake where Hindu folks do some sort of ritual bathing.  As we were walking to the lake, we went down a street with lots of shops selling touristy junk. What is interesting about this stuff is it is targeted for the Indians who come to town to bathe in the lake or attend the camel fair, not just foreigners. Anyway, shopping was not on Bhivou the tour guide's agenda, but he quickly realized he was going to have a mutiny on his hands with his majority women tour and gave us some shopping time. Miss Betty, you will not be surprised to learn I bought a pink and purple sari! 

While a camel-cart ride was scheduled for this afternoon, there were a number of folks who wanted to ride the camels themselves, so we did that this morning.  The hardest part is not falling off when he comes up first on his front legs, then on his back ones.  But definitely worth the $3.50 it cost for a 20 minute ride (and priceless photo opp). 

After the camel cowgirl moment, we were waiting for the guide to come get us, sitting in plastic chairs at a storefront where we paid $1 for a Coke which would normally cost about $0.20. The shop owner wanted to keep his thirsty Americans happy, so he wouldn't let the hawkers selling their purses, jewelry and assorted made-in-China crap across the threshold. So there were about 10 of them lurking outside the door since a group of 40 foreigners makes for an easy target. I said "they look like lions, watching their prey" but Elizabeth from Sausalito came up with a better line, especially for a non-Southern girl when she said "looks more like hunters, sitting in a duck blind!"

We came back to the camp for lunch and a siesta. This reminds me to share more about the food. Most lunches and dinner involve some sort of rice (lunch today had rice with pomegranate seeds, dinner tonight had rice with lemon) along with some sort of chickpea dish that has a heavy sauce to be served on that rice. There is usually a cooked vegetable of some variety, like roasted cauliflower.  Most buffet meals also seem to include a potato dish of some sort, a pasta dish and tonight we had fried vegetable egg rolls. All of this is served with delicious naan to complete the "no carb left behind" tour. In Delhi, we had some foods that had a small amount of meat in them, but it was largely vegetarian. Breakfast today at the camp was outstanding. There were apple pancakes, homemade hash browns with onion, scrambled eggs with green onion, boiled eggs, and some kind of muffin that I didn't try.  They were making fresh juice from beets, carrots, oranges or apples. My favorite part though is that this place, where we are sleeping in tents and power is only available certain hours, here we have a cappuccino machine! 



After taking a break from the heat of the day, we went back to the festival around 3:30for camel cart rides and more shopping. 


Then back to the campground for showers, watching some Indian dancing and dinner. As I write this, I'm snuggled up in the tent alongside the hot water bottle which mysteriously got placed in our beds during dinner. I could use that treat at home!

Tomorrow morning we are going to be a bit delayed heading to Jaipur as we need to go by the bank to exchange currency, and they don't open until 10. Bhivou is carrying 180,000 rupees in large and now illegal bills to pay for our entrance to the Taj Mahal and other monuments on the rest of the trip, but the govt spots are definitely not taking the big bills. Individuals are only allowed to exchange R4,000, so each of us will be going into the branch to change some of the group's money. He thinks the bank here in the little town will be smaller and less crowded than the cities. Once that is done, which will likely take more than an hour since it involves filling out a form and giving a copy of your passport, we will head out for the 4 hour ride to Jaipur.

Still having a great time!
LA

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Pushkar

Well, we've had a big 24 hours. Amazingly, the horrible US election news has been dwarfed here by the Indian PM's late Tuesday announcement that effective midnight Tuesday, the 500 and 1,000 rupee denominations were no longer valid tender. This is roughly $7.50 US and $15, so it is equivalent to our government taking the $10 and $20 bills off the market. The banks and ATMs were also closed yesterday. The govt said they are doing this in response to counterfeiting by Pakistan as well as the use of the black market. Our guide tells us much business in India is done in cash, which means that it isn't subject to taxes. The 500r and 1,000r can be exchanged at local banks for smaller denominations, but at that point you have to report it.  The issue is that we are all carrying those denominations, and some vendors are refusing to accept them.  Plus we are in the middle of the desert now with no access to a bank for exchanging them. So it is a bit of drama. Most folks also brought some US dollars, so we are paying with those for now if people won't take our rupees.  

Yesterday morning we got up at 4am and took a  6 hour train ride to come to Pushkar for their annual camel festival. Farmers from across the area come here to buy and sell horses and camels. Unfortunately, activity has been diminished by the currency freeze and a number of vendors reportedly left yesterday.  Still, it was really neat to walk around the market yesterday afternoon. The vivid colors of the camel costumes against the desert background are striking, and I'm still really enjoying photographing the people. 






We are "glamping" in tents which have an AC hookup as well as bathrooms. 



It got pretty warm here yesterday afternoon (80s) but temps dropped into the high 50s/ low 60s overnight. They even brought a hot water bottle by for our beds, and I enjoyed snuggling with that thing. I slept like a champ - I was asleep by 9 and woke up around 6. That part feels the most like vacation! 

This area is largely Muslim, and food is vegetarian and in the Ayurveda tradition which keeps you super regular! Thankfully no Delhi belli yet.  

Today we are heading back to the camel festival. I want to ride a camel, and hopefully 
we'll have more time for exploring on our own. 

LA

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Delhi Day 2

Woke up early this morning and got a workout in at the hotel gym which helped me feel better about sitting on the bus all day.  Had my first experience with the sexism for which Indian men are known with the man who just stepped right in front of me at the weight machine I was clearly using. At least I got a chuckle out of the fact that he had to take some of the weight off to use it!  When I walked to the mall last night to buy some water, I also got some uncomfortable glares from some of the men there. While I don't love traveling with 40 people, there is safety in numbers which I am grateful for! The group itself is largely women - only about 5 men. There are a couple of other folks around my age, and then the oldest is probably a guy in his 70s. My roommate is a Haitian-born woman from Boston in her 30s. She's very nice and super quiet. 

We left the hotel at 8:30. Delhi traffic is crazy, and it took us about 90 minutes to get to old Delhi. This was the driver's view for most of the way. 


Lots to see out of the windows including 10 people crammed into an SUV and several instances of 6 in a regular small car. We also passed several of the holy cows munching on garbage along the road side. Other animal spotting included monkeys, mongoose, pigs and goats. 

Stop #1 was a Muslim temple in old Delhi where we also learned a little more about the history between Muslims and Hindus.  We had to remove our shoes for the visit, and all the women had to wear these charming coverups. 




The mosque tour was followed by a rickshaw ride through the goat paths that make up the old part of town. An electrician's nightmare but definitely cool to see. This part of Delhi reminds me a lot of Hanoi. I would have liked to have gotten out and walked around, but the rickshaw was a good way to cover a lot of ground (and avoid getting run over by crazy drivers on mopeds). 








Next stop was my least favorite part of traveling with a big group. We went to one of those "artists collectives" which prey on buses of tourists and make their money selling several thousand dollar hand knotted rugs from Kashmir, pashminas made from the chin hair of the goat, etc. They provided a free lunch of a fried chickpea pastry, cheese sandwich, banana and a Coca Cola and more than made their money back since several folks other than cheap ole me bought stuff.  

Next stop was Humayuns tomb, a UNESCO world heritage site. He was the second of the Mogul emperors from Afghanistan who ruled India in the 1500s, and the temple supposedly is what the Taj Mahal was based upon. 



We followed that up with a trip to a Sikh temple. Sikhs are the men with the turbans, and they require everyone to cover their head in the temple complex.  I found another good use for the CSS bandanna! 




The good news is the air quality is much better today. Still a haze, but it hasn't been as hard to be outside.  This city itself is definitely not one of my favorites - smog plus a general 3rd world state of disrepair, but I really enjoy looking at the people.  There is something really lovely about the women in their brightly colored tunics, and I also really enjoy seeing the wizened faces of the older people.  They are just so at peace. It is an interesting culture for sure! 

Traffic on the other hand sucks, and we had a two hour bus ride back to the hotel. Tonight we have to pack our bags early and give them to the bus driver since we are leaving at 4:30am tomorrow for a 6 hour train ride to Pushkar where we are going to the camel festival. We are staying in tents, and I'm not sure that they will have internet access there. Will send another update when I can! 

LA

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Namaste

Hey y'all. All safe and sound in India. My flights were uneventful and while long, not too painful - business class is a beautiful thing!  One of the guys from my Duke class was on the Heathrow to Delhi leg, and it was fun to catch up with him. The New Zealand All Blacks were on the O'Hare to Heathrow leg, but other than admiring their hotness at the check in counter, I didn't get to talk with any of them. 

Got into Delhi a little after 12:30am, but it took two hours to deplane, clear immigration, hit the ATM and get a taxi to the hotel.  The hotel is a bit of a fortress - cars get checked outside the gate, and they scan you and your baggage every time you come and go.  I have not seen much of the city other than immediately around the hotel yet. There is an incredible level of smog. Apparently farmers in the north are burning rice paddies, and it has made a huge mess. The air is so bad that they've told everyone who can work from home to do so, and the major power plant has been shut down for 10 days. You can even see the smoke inside the hotel lobby and in the airport. It is worse than China was. They've run out of masks and it is hard to be outside. I took one little field trip to the mall next to the hotel, but was glad to get back here.  It will be interesting to see how that impacts the touring activities. Yet another use for a CSS bandana - air filtration mask! 

Other than that outing to the mall, I haven't done anything today. Slept from 3am-11. Ate lunch in the hotel and it was pretty tasty - lamb chunks with lentils and rice.  They had "Continental" food like pizzas and sandwiches, but my experience has been you are better off with what they do well. And it will surprise no one that I have a bag full of snacks just in case!! Meeting the group in the lobby at 6pm. We are 11.5 hours ahead of east coast time now. My roommate hasn't shown up yet, so nothing to report on her. 

Somebody from work said that maybe I could skip the news of Tuesday's election, but it is all in the media here too. There was an interesting article in the Indian paper this morning about how Iran televised the 3 presidential debates live as an example to their people of what is wrong with America. ;-) Still, while it is true that we have a crazy system, this smoke thing reminds me of the parts that do work, like required burning permits! 

Love you!
LA 


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Monday, February 8, 2016

Writing at Kripalu

I'm on a bus rolling through Massachusetts, heading back from my weekend at Kripalu with Dani Shapiro.

Kripalu is a center for yoga and health in Lenox, Massachusetts. Leigh Ann went on a retreat there years ago and had encouraged me to check it out, since it's an easy four-hour bus ride from the city.

In early January, she sent me this friendly nudge:
----
Our stories are symphonies of memory and nuance that reverberate throughout our beings, from the small, tender moments that shaped us to the monumental experiences that forever altered the course of our lives. Our stories inhabit our bodies and minds, and they are waiting to be told—beautifully, authentically, and courageously. Join best-selling author Dani Shapiro for a heart-opening weekend of meditation and movement, writing exercises, group sharing, and discussion that will stay with you long after you return home.
-----
Part of me feels glad I went and knows I needed what I experienced.

Yet part of me also feels frustrated and disappointed with myself. Why aren't the pages pouring out? Why does this process feel so hard? Why can't I seem to stick to a routine and find my rhythm with this project?

If my goal is to write this memoir, might I have been better off just locking myself in my studio for four days and turning off my internet access? (Since, as Dani said one of her friends has noted: "Writing on a computer is like writing in the middle of an amusement park.")

Ultimately, I think I did need what I got out of it -- affirmation from a master in the craft that writing is like chiseling a rough boulder into a fine sculpture. I suppose we all want it to be more like pouring champagne into a glass -- you chill the bottle, you pop the cork, and voila! Maybe there is a bit of mess if you pour too much, but nothing you can't easily wipe up. 

But nope -- it's a boulder. Heavy, in need of the right tools. And right there in the middle of your path. You'll require fine, delicate brushes and blades when you are further along, but in the beginning, it's all rough edges and big chisels as you try to see what shape is lurking inside. Finding the outline, shaving off big chunks that don't belong, blasting through outer layers and scratching at what lies within. 

She has some really lovely passages about this in her book on the craft, STILL WRITING.

"Are we there yet?" is, she noted, always part of the ride. We are impatient children ready to get where we're going already. As are all of our friends and family, who've tired of hearing about what has started to seem like an interminable project.

(Side note: I love the way Samantha Power, the US Ambassador to the UN, explained her career path in a Glamour magazine article a few years ago. She wrote a book about genocide, A PROBLEM FROM HELL. And, yet: 


My mother, though, describes the title of the book as my relationship to writing it. After six years, she jokes the book was her problem from hell. My problem from hell.

But hey, she did finish her book...and it was eventually read by a young senator named Barack Obama. Boom!)

Just like the poem Ithaka reminds us, the best part of any journey is not the destination -- it's the journey itself. I need to remember that. I'm grateful that something does continue to call me down this road, telling me that this is a hill worth climbing, whispering in my ear that I have a story I'm meant to share. 

I had a cool experience in a yoga dance class between writing sessions on Saturday. It was one of those truly New Age whackadoodle let-it-all-hang-out, crawling on the floor like animals, dancing wildly to the beat of drums sort of hippie things you'd expect at a place like Kripalu. It was an awesome reminder of what can happen when we stop worrying what anyone else says or thinks, and we just let ourselves listen to our bodies and follow the rhythm in our soul. 

It was a physical reminder of the need to approach writing with that sort of openness and flexibility, to let the story take shape on the page, rather than coming in with a bunch of preconceived notions about what you're "supposed" to be writing.

You might think, Dani said, that the most fulfilling part of writing will be holding your finished product. "The best part is being inside of it," she said. "Catching the mind and seeing what's there. Writing is how we find out things we didn't know we knew. If you know what happened, why are you writing it?" 
 
Here are a few other nuggets I wrote down:
"Every writer I know gets in her own way and devises ways to get out of her own way." 

From THE MEMORY PALACE by Mira Bartok: 
"Our recollections change in the retelling." 
"Memory if it is anything at all is unreliable." 

What she found out when she wrote DEVOTION: 
"When we are true to our own humanity, our own uniqueness, our own specificity, we discover that we are not so different."

You can't find the shape without being in the mess -- being in the chaos. That's why meditation helps. You need to quiet your noisy mind. 

She has a friend who starts a novel by writing seven longhand pages a day. You have to unleash the mess and see what's salvageable. Throughout the weekend, I made myself write in longhand, and it was a pleasant surprise what came out.

She defined memoir versus autobiography: 
Memoir is a story that is shaped out of the chaos of a life.
Autobiography: "you know who I am, and you want to know about my life." 

A big part of the weekend was leading us through several "metta" (loving kindness) meditations. 
-- May you be safe.
-- May you be happy.
-- May you be strong.
-- May you live with ease.

Memoir freezes a moment in time. That moment remembered from that place becomes a solid object. The idea there is ever an end point is a fallacy. Whatever you write is unique to the point in time in which it was written. Memory is constantly shifting and adapting. (I would love to discuss this with anyone who reads SLOW MOTION.)

One can get extremely derailed by sharing a draft with the wrong person at the wrong time. Not everyone knows how to give constructive feedback. DO NOT share your work with someone who is jealous of or competitive with you, or someone who will try to get you to turn your work into what they'd like to do. 

About Betrayal:
-- To concern yourself with it when you are writing a first draft is to ensure you will not write as deeply and freely as you must. 
-- Your manuscript is not going to fly from your desk to the bookstore. 
-- "Write as if everyone you know has left the planet."
-- Don't take pot shots. Don't try to make yourself look clever at someone else's expense. Her one regret about SLOW MOTION, her first memoir, is a mean, hurtful comment about her aunt. 
-- You will be surprised what people take issue with in your writing; it won't necessarily be the things you expected to hit a nerve. "We can't know in a whole host of ways what is going to hurt other people and what is not going to hurt other people."
-- If you're writing out of vengeance, put it down. How do you know? You're thinking, "I can't wait until she reads this." 
-- Told a story about Honor Moore, whose memoir THE BISHOP'S DAUGHTER infuriated her siblings. "We don't choose what we write," Moore said. "It chooses us. And if we turn our back on it, we are somehow diminished."

As I prepared to head back today, I took my camera on my walk and tried to capture a bit of the beauty of the place. 



It felt futile -- a bit like my writing felt all weekend. Yet instead of feeling frustrated, I felt grateful for the parallel and the metaphor. Sometimes you simply fail to capture what you're trying to capture. But that doesn't mean you give up. It means you find a new angle, a new lens, a different approach. And you just keep trying. 

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Summer Reading

Finally! Something that made me blow the dust off ye olde blog. I cannot resist rambling a bit about Harper Lee's "new" book, Go Set a Watchman.

First -- let me begin where my obsession did. Harper Lee popped back up on my radar last summer, when Leigh Ann and I were at the beach, enjoying her new villa on Seabrook Island with Ranie, Jason and their boys.





We do love a good ol' flashback here at Popcorn and M&Ms, don't we, loyal readers?! (All three of ya who are left.)

Anyhoo, you will recall this was the era in which I'd quit my job to write a book. (Yeah...hey...what ever happened to that? Well, the short answer is I (a) decided I didn't want to move out of my expensive apartment in NYC (b) realized family events were too, er, "dynamic" to write a memoir (c) acknowledged there was no way I was going to start writing publishable fiction in the short term (d) enjoyed my funemployment to the max and wound up getting a better job this spring.) 

Anyway, while at the beach, us girls got to swapping notes on books -- and the fact that Harper Lee had some friends who gifted her with a year of living expenses one Christmas; she used it to finish writing To Kill a Mockingbird. 

LA mentioned there was a new memoir about Harper Lee, Mockingbird Next Door by Marja Mills. In 2004, Mills rented a house next door to the Lee sisters in Monroeville and spent 18 months as their neighbor, writing what she claims was an authorized memoir. 
Leigh Ann had gotten it from the library, so I started reading it immediately. And... yowza. I think the author had tried so hard not to betray Harper (Nelle) and her sister Alice that she ended up writing pure drivel. Or, as the New York Times called it, a "painfully earnest" and "sentimental" play-by-play of little old lady life:

Ms. Lee has a regular booth at McDonald’s, where she goes for coffee. She eats takeout salads from Burger King on movie night. When she fishes, she uses wieners for bait. She feeds the town ducks daily, with seed corn from a plastic Cool Whip Free container, calling “Woo-hoo-HOO! Woo-hoo-HOO!” 

Seriously, it was a total snooze, and I don't think I actually finished it. It reminded me of how hard it was to be a reporter. You have to walk such a line between nurturing your sources, cultivating those relationships, and depicting them honestly -- which may burn a bridge. I felt sorry for Marja Mills, who seemed to have tried hard to write something that would satisfy the public fascination with Harper Lee, without betraying the confidence the Lee sisters showed her. Yet she ended up with the worst of both worlds -- she wrote a crappy book that Harper Lee disavowed: 

"Rest assured, as long as I am alive any book purporting to be with my cooperation is a falsehood," Lee said in a statement. 

Meanwhile, Alice Lee said -- and mind you, this was back in 2011, "Poor Nelle Harper can't see and can't hear and will sign anything put before her by anyone in whom she has confidence. Now she has no memory of the incident." 

The only line I saved from the Mills book was this one: 

"In the community of Monroeville, information about Nelle was currency. It could be spent, traded or saved for the right moment. Demand exceeded supply, especially because her good friends kept their interactions with her largely private. People were curious about where she went, whom she saw, what she said." 

Can you imagine what that would be like? It must have been a bit like living in a small town surrounded by paparazzi. No wonder she spent so much time in the anonymity of New York City.

Anyway, I was so fascinated and thirsty for more info that I bought Mockingbird: A Portrait of Harper Lee, a biography by Charles J. Shields.

I could tell you a lot more about what I found interesting in that book, but I'll cut to the most relevant portion re: Go Set a Watchman's portrayal of Atticus Finch. Shields makes it clear A.C. Lee was more like the fictional character of Watchman than he was the saintly Atticus of Mockingbird:

Worth pointing out, however, is that Mr. Lee himself only gradually rose to the moral standards of Atticus. Though more enlightened than most, A.C. was no saint, no prophet crying in the wilderness with regard to racial matters. In many ways, he was typical of his generation, especially about issues surrounding integration. Like most of his generation, he believed that the current social order, segregation, was natural and created harmony between the races. 

Particularly interesting to me, given my small-town Methodist roots, is the way Shields portrays the confrontations between A.C. Lee, and the minister of First United Methodist Church of Monroeville, who was "preaching too much, in Lee's opinion, about racial and social justice."

I know a couple of Methodist ministers who could probably write their own books about some of those recent conversations!

Anyway, that's a long way of saying I wasn't surprised by the character of Atticus in Go Set a Watchman. And, because I'd gleaned from the Marja Mills incident that Harper Lee "ain't running on all cylinders these days," I at first thought I'd boycott this new book, as the events surrounding its release just seem so shady -- particularly the fact the draft "came to light" only after Alice Lee passed away.

But, in the end, I decided I just couldn't resist reading it. And I'm glad. Isn't part of growing up accepting that our parents are flawed individuals -- but we love them anyway? Isn't growing up about coming to terms with your mixed feelings about your family and your origins?

Watchman is about Lee's experience as a young woman who lives in New York City but feels ambivalent about her hometown roots -- she is both drawn to and repulsed by her place of origin. There is an "I don't see how you live in New York" passage with some Maycomb friends that reminds me of a conversation I had with an old friend in Quincy who was genuinely curious whether I "ever see any Americans in New York City."

Um, yes, Sir, I do. Bless your heart.

But anyway, I love the mixed feelings she has about living in New York but still calling Maycomb "home."
 "When you live in New York, you often have the feeling that New York's not the world. I mean this: every time I come home, I feel like I'm coming back to the world, and every time I leave Maycomb it's like I'm leaving the world. It's silly. I can't explain it, and what makes it sillier is I'd go stark raving mad living in Maycomb."

The most fascinating bits of the novel for me were about social class. Like race, it's a means of inclusion and exclusion -- a part of our identity that is assigned, not chosen, something we can never change or control.

Jean Louise has a discussion with her boyfriend in which he points out that she gets a certain amount of tolerance from the community simply by virtue of being a Finch. Some of Aunt Alexandra's comments about Henry ("we Finches do not marry the children of rednecked white trash") were reminiscent of comments I often heard when I was growing up. I kid you not, my grandmother once looked at a photo of a boyfriend and asked me, "Honey, who are his people?"

And while I've certainly sailed through a lot of doors in life, I've also had them slammed in my face a time or two. Lee had clearly felt it too:

"Have you ever been snubbed, Atticus? Do you know how it feels? No, don't tell me they're children and don't feel it: I was a child and felt it, so grown people must feel it too. A real good snub, Atticus, makes you feel like you're too nasty to associate with people." 

Whether it was overt or covert, major or minor -- the sting of exclusion still hurts, especially when it's over something like race or class that we can't change or control. And it can be particularly painful when we are adolescents and feel we are different, or we don't quite fit the mold. Henry points out to Jean Louise that she's been benefiting from advantages she doesn't even realize, because they've always been there for her. Those can be the best and worst parts of living in a small town -- where people know your name and your family's history.

When it comes to race, I think the events in Watchman are far more provocative, honest and realistic.
There is a benevolent white savior element to Mockingbird that is absent from Watchman, in which Atticus is willing to defend his housekeeper's son in part for selfish motives: to prevent radical outside attorneys from making political inroads among the county's blacks.

It makes me wonder if the publishers might have expected Lee's draft would be too confrontational for mass appeal. Most of us don't want to be preached at, do we?

So, is Go Set a Watchman a great novel? No. But is it worth reading? Yes -- especially if you are a lover of literature, and Southern literature in particular. And even more so if you're a writer yourself -- for the same reason admiring art isn't just about going to the Louvre or MoMA; it's about meeting artists in your local community and enjoying their work. Lots of books are worth reading, even if they're not bestsellers.

As an aspiring author, it was encouraging to see what began as a good draft was rewritten into an American classic, and to realize that even the greats have to write, rewrite, revise, and repeat.

Sometimes you write a good book. Sometimes you write a great book. Sometimes you write a crappy book. Sometimes you write a book that was right for the times. Sometimes you write a book that was wrong for the times. Sometimes you write a bestseller. Sometimes you write something that gets printed at Kinko's and passed around the neighborhood.

But at least you wrote a book!